Round and round

Mood: Thoughtful

Listening to: Bliss by Rob Costlow

Reading: Sabriel, Lost Worlds, Keeping it Real

Watching: Elfen Lied, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 6!

Playing: Piano, hah.

Eating: Gum, if you want to consider that eating

Drinking: Nothing at the moment, but a really good tea is 'Angel Mist Falls'.

Significance of Title:

Quote of the day: "And at springtide, when the apple-blossoms brush the burnished bosom of the dove,Two young lovers lying in an orchard would have read the story of our love."-Oscar Wilde

Promotions: Carl Gustav Jung...some amazing ideas.

Once you realize It, nobody and nothing is seen the same through one's eyes. Its rather ridiculous how greatly the world changes when It is realized. And the sad thing is, its not the world that changes, it's how you see it. Then, the only people you will ever feel right around again are those who know -- and those are far and few. Even worse, once you know you realize that you can't do anything because you can. That is when the looping starts. Around and around you go...Weeeeeeeeeeee. You realize that everything you do has no point, because it doesnt really exist. But you do it anyway because it has no point. Its liberating, but it is like being locked in a white padded room with a tiny rectangular window on the door allowing you to see the world outside but them not to see you. You then see things that you wouldnt have usually seen. You notice the small things. You notice the hidden secrets and the flashes of reality that people show on their faces. You pick up on hints out of media that you wouldnt have thought anything of before. I feel sorry for anyone who knows that doesnt have someone else that knows with them. That would be the worst. I can see how people would commit suicide or go crazy if they knew. Sometimes I wonder the same about myself. What is real? Nothing. What is fake? Nothing. Now that's a concept.

Wow. Basically, the world is so screwed up I dont know if there is any going back. I think this is part of a cycle, and it will end, and start again, and humans won't have learned anything. We will all die and come back and do it all over again. 

So I probably won't be writing here anymore. There really isnt much point. A) Nobody reads it anyway, and  B) Most people wont understand anyway. Its like a cryptic language that only a few people can make out. 

I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it. 

Well, I guess thats all. 

Love always,

Indi.

No Expression

Huh. Its been interesting. So much has happened. I suppose there's a lot of explaining to do.

Well, I rather fell off the edge of the world. I just stopped posting. Infact I stopped a lot of things. Not sure why. But I did start a different blog on piczo...I liked the music video idea haha. I'll post the link to there here. But not now since I'm stuck at my school library with limited access to websites. I'm lucky I got on here!

In the past few months I found out A LOT about myself. Like I have S.A.D. And that I want to be a criminal psychologist. Or work with mentally "unstable" people. I cant remember where I put it, but a while ago I had said that I knew who I was. I also figured out recently that it is impossible to know who you are. As long as you realize that you are always changing then you can know who you are. Outside influences and personal decisions will always change who you are. I also have a REALLY bad memory. Its upsetting.

Anyhow, I dont want to get into all the dirty details, but a lot has happened lately. Up's and Down's. In's and Out's. But funny thing, through everything thats happened, I'm only back at square one. Which is okay by me, I mean, I was happy at square one. I'm not so sure my friends will feel the same way though.

Wow. I just looked up. My school is really ghetto. Over 100 years old, all that jazz. I'm in one of the newer sections right now. One of the windows in the corner is really high up and they have chains on them. But the sun is shining in at the perfect angle. Its absolutely gorgeous right now. Wow. Enlightenment in the slightest of ways.

I was asked a question yesterday. If I had one wish (goal) what is it? The only answer I could give was for the world to stop trying to be something we are so obviously not. The world, and each individual. How to get there, now thats a wonderful question. I stayed home yesterday, on exam break with nothing to do (finally!). I realized why I missed being alone so much. Because when I am I dont have to pretend or feel like I have to be what everyone is expecting. I can be however I want to be in that moment. I could go through a mental break down and be normal again before anyone would know it. It is pure freedom and liberation, even within the same place I am for a period of time every day. But everything changes when you're alone.

One of the things I did yesterday was read Midnight Sun, or the portion of it that so unfortunately got distributed. Poor Stephenie Meyer. She didnt deserve that. But I wish she would finish it. She is doing such a good job already. Just because one person decided to be stupid about it doesn't mean that everyone should get punished. Edward is kind of annoying though. I know a lot of people are going to hate me for saying it. I mean, yeah sure he's deep and poetic, but he's kind of a selfish jerk. I find the books rather juvenile. I like them, but they are really easy reads. I think I would have enjoyed it more if they were more challenging and the characters were less ...what's the word?... trivial. They are amazing character ideas, don't get me wrong. But I think they would have been stronger if they were less juvenile, less whiny. Unfortunately though, a lot of people are really like that in real life. So I can't ask for much. I really did enjoy Midnight Sun though. The struggles you could see him going through were so good. And some of the paragraphs still took my breathe away. Please finish it Stephenie. I think it would make a lot of people happy, and I'm sure it would feel a lot better to just get it done. =)

But I am going to go read some Jungian Psychology. I shall write again later.

PS. OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALMOST FORGOT!! I got a piano. A black Kawai stand-up. YAY! Heh...anyway.

I love you

Mina Rakkastan Sinua...with all my heart.

I'm BAACCCKKK!!!

Mood: Wow!!
Listening to: Piano Concerto no. 2 - adagio sostenuto by Rachmaninoff
Reading: Offspring and Ralph Waldo Emerson's poems =D
Watching: Nothing, yet.
Playing: Nothing.
Eating: Nada
Drinking: Nada here neither! XD
Significance of Title: Well, I disappeared for about a month or two, and now I'm back. I apologize, I've been too busy for anybodies good.
Quote of the day: When the redbird spread his sable wing, And showed his side of flame; When the rosebud ripened to the rose, In both I read thy name.
Promotions: LOL TD Summer Reading Program at YOUR LIBRARY!

Yeah, so I don't have all that much time, since my computer has completely crashed -- I cant even turn it on - so I am stuck using my fathers. If you have been keeping track of my blog you will know that he does nothing but play WoW...which requires his computer, so he's getting rather angry that I'm taking up his time. So I will try to be brief.

Basically I've been working for the last 15 days, and I have 5 more to go. I've been working TONS at the library and volunteering at the hospital. The volunteering is an interesting position. I love it but it's hard to get myself wanting to go there the morning of, until of course I get there and then I'm all pumped again. I definitely recommend volunteering at a hospital, but not for the weak stomached. Ha Ha.

I have most recently met a poet/playwright whom I seem to get a long with very well. Hopefully that will turn into a good relationship.

I have also become very good friends with a fellow employee. We seem to be nearly identical at times, by personality and interests. However we do have our differences, of course.

I'm stuck in a pickle...with no regards to any of the previous paragraphs. However, I will not go into detail here. -gives a sly smile-

One of my best friends seems to have fallen off the edge of the planet. She found this astonishing place in Egypt while on a trip. A place in the desert that seems to have never before been 'discovered', meaning nobody has survived enough to tell anyone else. She was there for a few months, came back for about...48 hours, and left again at 2 in the morning. She has now been there for a few weeks...she left her boyfriend behind. Now that's a big deal. Him and her are perfect for each other. They have been best friends for their whole lives, and have been in a relationship for years. Its painful to see her be so detached. But something is definitely going on there that I don't know about, in Egypt that is. I'm just worried about her is all.

I'm being stalked by a thirteen year old female serial killer. Yikes. Long story that I'm not actually aloud to say on here for confidentiality reasons...basically she's cracked. And she hates me for absolutely no reason that anyone other than her is aware of.

I've been doing TONS of reading, drawing, writing, painting (finally!!! =D) and am loving it.

As you may know, I have two poems published in two books. I was supposed to go to this conference in Las Vegas over the summer for it, but am unable as I am underage and don't have parental permission or money. No parental permission since they don't know about the whole being published thing, long story that I cant remember if I posted it or not...hmm....anyway I was supposed to do a live reading and receive a plaque etc. but that will not be happening. I'm disappointed about that.

As usual, I have spent too much money on books. I have got to stop doing that...

I have found an amazing version of "The Portrait" song from Titanic played on piano. I still get the shivers every time I hear it, even after listening to it for an hour and a half straight one day. That tells you how amazing it is.

Also, I have a new favorite CD. Titled: Diamonds, elegant classics. Its a compilation of classical music, that is just amazingly wonderful. -melts-

Yes so my mind seems to have run back to that pickle...Oh well. Still not saying anything about it.

I'm fairly upset. My friend who wrote me a piano song for valentines day seems to have also fallen off the edge of the earth. I really miss him. I know he probably wants nothing to do with me, but I really do miss him. I hope he will understand one day...

Last, but not least, I have been keeping a journal now. SCREW COMPUTERS!!!!! And have been putting most of my writing and thoughts and all in there. Since my computer crashed I have lost most of my novel, many other written works, all my pictures, poems, etc. I am very upset. Every time I think about it I am brought to tears. So enough of that. I may post some writing at some point, but with that new act coming through about Internet 'stealing' policies we shall have to see.

Well that's all for now. TTFN!!

Love you all, & miss you!!
Laura <3

This cracked me right up! It is a picture done by *jollyjack.

It is amazing, he has some very very funny ones, and he is so talented!

Make sure you take a look at his page, I must say it is astonishing!